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Mindset to Win and Influence

Learn to win and positively influence people through the power of a winning mindset.
Instructor:
Jose Ucar
1,094 students enrolled
English [Auto]
Mindset: Find & Unleash your Excellence.
Undertanding how we create our reality.
Our thinking patterns and how they influence our view of the world.
How we do, what we do: Sequences of thoughts.
Gain flexibility: There is more than one perspective.
Setting outcomes and understanding their impact.
Self-Alignment: Finding the best version of ourselves.
[Bonus] - Training Manual with additional information and exercises.
Mindset: Find & Unleash your Excellence.
Undertanding how we create our reality.
Our thinking patterns and how they influence our view of the world.
How we do, what we do: Sequences of thoughts.
Gain flexibility: There is more than one perspective.
Setting outcomes and understanding their impact.
Self-Alignment: Finding the best version of ourselves.
[Bonus] - Training Manual with additional information and exercises.

Here is where your journey as an Outstanding Communicator begins.

This is the first module (Mindset) of my signature training program. Module 2 is all about Communication 1-2-1 and Module 3 Public Speaking. Check them out.

Unlock your full potential to achieve your most desired goals:

  • Talk your way up the business ladder.

Learn how to connect and make the most out of your human interactions within any business environment.

  • Become the influential leader people look up to.​

Learn the communication skills to lead and positively influence other individuals, teams and entire organisations.

  • Grow your personal brand and your business.​​

Become a holistic business owner capable of successfully promoting yourself and your brand via different channels.

  • Create enriching and long-lasting relationships.

Acquire the ability to build a climate of trust and openness where human interactions thrive.

  • Achieve anything you set your mind to.

80% of your success depends on your Mindset and Communication Skills, exactly what this training course is about.

Join me on this transformational journey.

Introduction

1
Introduction

Here is where your journey as an Outstanding Communicator begins.

This is the first module (Mindset) of my signature training program. Module 2 is all about Communication 1-2-1 and Module 3 Public Speaking. Check them out.

This module is about achieving an internal connection and unleashing the power and excellence unique to you.

Did you know that 80% or more of your success is made up of your Mindset and Communication Skills?

If you've ever wondered what's the difference between you and the people living the life you would like for yourself, now you have the answer. Around 80% is down to how you think and communicate.

Great news because that puts the ball in your court. If you want a career change, talk your way up the business ladder, grow your business, become an inspiring leader, build long-lasting relationships, the work begins with you and that's what this first module is about.

Let's take a look at what you will be learning through this unique training course, which is informed by sharing Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Coaching, Professional Public Speaking, International Business, Marketing and Life insights acquired during my career and from some of the best trainers and mentors in the UK.

I hope you enjoy and make the most of this amazing online course to be delivered in my own uniquely informal and entertaining way.

Creating your reality

1
The communication model

When it comes to understanding how it is that we create our reality, as an NLP Master Trainer, I always like to refer back to the NLP Communication Model.

Originally conceived and developed by John Grinder and Richard Bandler, NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming began as a model of how we communicate and interact with ourselves and others. The NLP communication model explains how we process the information that comes in from outside us and what we do with it inside.

Have you ever noticed that people treat their perceptions differently? Some people have to “see” certain relationships between things, where others need to have it explained or so they can “hear it”. Still, others have to “get a grasp or a feeling” for the relationships. This is the essence of how we create our subjective experience.

Why subjective? In the view of NLP, whether or not there is an objective absolute reality, individual people do not have access to absolute knowledge of this reality and instead can only access a set of beliefs and experiences they have built up over time.

-IMPORTANT-

Knowing how you create your reality, will give you the power to change it to your advantage. This is what successful people do.

2
The functions of the mind

OK. So, the external event comes in through the sensory input channels and it's filtered and managed by our neurology. As we manage the perception of the event, we delete, distort, and generalize the information according to the following processes that filter our perception.

When two people have the same stimulus, why do they not have the same response? The answer is, because we delete, distort, and generalize the information that comes through our senses based on our filters (Meta Programs, Belief Systems, Values, Decisions, and Memories-Experiences).

-PRACTISE-

  • I invite you to get curious about how you react to different circumstances on a daily basis. Today, notice your reactions and ask yourself:

  • Through which lens am I looking at this situation?

  • What can I do to change my current view/opinion about what's in front of me?

3
The conscious & unconscious mind

You may well be familiar with these terms, but what do they really mean? It's helpful to think of them as a metaphor for our mind. Think of your mind as a huge dark attic, wherever you shine your torch is currently your conscious awareness, everything else that remains in the dark represents your unconscious. Move your torch enough and you will find your entire life stored in there.

In Sigmund Freud's psychoanalytic theory of personality, the conscious mind consists of everything inside of our awareness. This is the aspect of our mental processing that we can think and talk about in a rational way. The conscious mind is just the tip of the iceberg and it includes such things as the sensations, perceptions, memories, feelings, and fantasies inside of our current awareness.

The unconscious mind is everything else in the mind-body system that is not conscious at that moment. We say somehow your unconscious mind has the complete knowledge of the system that is you. It has amazing processing capabilities compared with the conscious mind.

4
Cause and effect

To explain in the simplest terms what being at cause or at effect mean, I would use the bus analogy: when you are at cause, you are basically driving your own bus and when you are at effect, you are a mere passenger.

If you, or someone, remain ‘at effect’, you are somewhere seeing yourself as a receiver, therefore as someone that has no power in changing the situation. ‘Being at effect’ is usually associated with the notion of feeling that you are the victim or the feeling of acting like a victim.

When you move to ‘being at cause’ and consciously accept that you can influence the situation created, you claim an amount of ownership over the situation and begin to actively look for solutions. You are moving from ‘a victim’ or ‘a receiver’ to being an ‘active agent.’ You now have the power to act and change.

-IMPORTANT-

  • Notice today when you are being at cause and at effect.

  • If you find yourself at effect, what can you do to be at cause?

"The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes.”

-Charles Swindoll-

5
This is what we've covered so far...

How are you doing?

I really hope you are enjoying the videos and material that I've created especially for you.

6
[BONUS] - Change your reality by understanding it in another way

I wasn't going to let you off the hook. After what we've covered, I wanted to leave you with a very powerful tool that will enable you to change your perception of reality. It is not the only one, so stay tuned because there will be many more in the coming sections.

Before we move on, I would like you to take some time to think about what you've learned so far, situations and scenarios in your life where you could begin to apply this new knowledge and in your mind notice the change that is already happening.

You have embarked on an amazing journey that will transform your life for good.

Let's continue to find and unleash the excellence you carry within you.

Thinking patterns

1
Our thinking patterns

As you have already learned from the previous section, what we think influences how we act, so learning to identify how our thinking is shaping our actions enables us to capture and replicate moments of excellence.

Just like Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “Do something. If it works, do more of it. If it doesn't, do something else.”

Taking the time to learn how we think will enable us to understand and relate to many different people and cultures. Think about your current environment for a moment, even if you all speak the same language, each individual has their own unique language and personal culture.

When we learn to recognise, respect and accept that we are all very unique in our own way, we will begin to successfully navigate through the diversities of our global network.

What if I say to you that life is what we make it?

Looking back at the communication model, we take information through our senses and then represent it as a combination of sensory systems and inner feelings. This way of thinking (thinking patterns) are how we create (code) our experience, so think about this for a moment. What kind of life would you create for yourself if you could manage your thoughts?

What career, business, relationships would you have today?

If what we think is what we are, what are you now?

Let's take this knowledge to the next level while I leave you with a quote from Blaise Pascal:

"Our achievements of today are but the sum total of our thoughts of yesterday. We are today where the thoughts of yesterday have brought us and we will be tomorrow where the thoughts of today take us".

2
Thinking preferences

It's time for you to get curious about how you think because here lies the key to your success.

After watching the video, how was your thinking process compared to mine?

To recap, these are the three different ways of thinking I referred to in the video:

  • Visual: We think in pictures. We represent ideas, memories and imagination as mental images.

  • Auditory: We think in sounds. These could be noises or voices.

  • Feelings: We also represent thoughts as feelings, either internal emotions or the thought of a physical touch. In this category, we can include taste and smell.

You will find that you have a preference for some systems over others, both in the way you think and in the way you communicate. Great communicators have the ability to use language that appeals to all senses, especially when speaking in front of a big crowd, writing a book or an email addressed to many people. This is the best way to connect with all their preferences.

Next time you walk into a meeting, begin to notice peoples' preferred systems and speak to them accordingly. Do the same with emails. This is a great way to gain flexibility and also to build rapport.

3
Programs that filter our reality

In Module 2, Communication 1-2-1 I will be expanding more on these filters. For the time being, just be aware that they exist.

Knowing someone’s Meta Programs can help you clearly and closely predict people’s states, and therefore predict their actions and behaviours. Meta Programs are clearly outlined in Module 2 (Filters in our Communication). One important point about Meta Programs is that they are not good or bad, they are just the way someone handles information.

4
The way we do one thing, we do many. That's right.

You may have heard a more popular version, "the way you do one thing, you do everything" but as you may know by now, I'm not fond of generalisations.

The first time I heard this expression from one of my mentors I didn't know what to make of it. I have to say that it kept me very curious for a while and now I use it very often.

The patterns we run tend to extend to other areas of our lives and by learning to recognise this we can amplify the effect change can have in the rest of the system.

-SPOTTING PATTERNS-

  • What unhelpful patterns (habits) are you currently running?

  • Next, ask yourself what impact they are having in your life as a whole/what other areas of your life are being affected?

  • Guess what my next question will be? What are you doing to change these patterns?

5
We carry our patterns with us

Just like the song by Crowded House says, "Everywhere you go, always take the weather with you", well, this is exactly what we do. Our lives follow patterns that we take with us wherever we go.

It is our patterns in thinking and behaving that create our response to our circumstances, not the circumstances themselves. And by becoming aware of these patterns or habits we can begin to choose the life we want. Running away from what we don't want is not the answer. We remain the constant that creates our circumstances.

-SELF-COACHING-

  • What kind of weather do you carry with you?

  • Most importantly, what kind of weather would you like to carry with you?

6
Applying the new learning

-EXERCISES-

  • You have a very important presentation tomorrow. Is the way you are thinking about it helping you? If not, what variations can you make in your thinking to represent the experience in exactly the way you would like it to be?

  • What sort of jobs do you think would best suit people whose thinking preference is (a) visual; (b) auditory; (c) feelings?

  • Think of a successful outcome after a regular meeting. How do you think about it? Is it a picture? Are there any sounds? Do you experience any feelings?

  • Think of a person you have a good relationship with and a person with whom you do not. How does your thinking change? What are the main variations?

  • Look at a website that appeals to you. Which senses does it stimulate to get your attention?

  • Think of a part of your work that you really enjoy. Now think of a part that you enjoy less. Notice the variations in your thinking.

  • Take a look at an email you have received recently. Which senses are you using as you read it?

  • Ask 2-3 people you know to do something uncomfortable and watch their reaction. It could be to post a video of themselves on social media or to speak at the next family reunion. Remember that how you do one thing, you do many.

  • Get curious and continue to explore how your thinking patterns influence your life.

7
[BONUS] Change your internal representation of an event.

Here is a very useful technique that you can apply every time there is something you want to change.

It's amazing what you can achieve when you use your thinking patterns and variations in thinking to your advantage.

I invite you to experiment with this technique and to share your results.

8
[BONUS] Get rid of Negative Self-Talk

I say it's time to have some fun and play with our Self-Talk!

Take your Self-Talk out, mock it and notice the difference.

How are you enjoying this training so far? Feel free to leave your comments.

-SUMMARY-

What we think is what we are and life is what we make it.

My question to you is, what are you doing with this new knowledge? Remember that is not about what you know, but how you feel about it and how you apply it.

By now you can recognise how you think and create your experience, and also how to change it by altering the subtle variations that take place, amazing, isn't it?

You can also recognise these patterns in other people, which enables you to adapt your communication to suit their style. This is one of the keys to build rapport and be able to influence others.

Next, we are going to learn together about "Strategies", the sequences of thoughts and behaviours that reveal how it is that we do, what we do.

How we do what we do: Strategies

1
Strategies - How we do, what we do.

"We all run different strategies to manage our life, from the way we brush our teeth, to the way we make love... Some of us are just better at them than others..."

-Toby McCartney-

Put very simply, thoughts accompany behaviours. We may be well aware of the behaviour and totally unaware of the thoughts that come with it. The thoughts have been conditioned (programmed) over time so that they just happen. The thoughts happen repeatably and they result in the behaviour.

If we want to create a skill and just concentrate on the behaviour, ignoring the thoughts, then we are likely to only have half of the story, getting poor results. If we want to change a behaviour and concentrate on altering that behaviour but we ignore the thoughts that come with it then we will probably just get temporary change.

We use repeatable sequences of thoughts to do things that we are skilful at, for example speaking in public or when communicating with others (if you aren't skilful yet, you will be by the end of this course). We use strategies for everything we do, to make decisions, set goals, plan our week, procrastinate, motivate ourselves, to learn...

These sequences often happen at an unconscious level, so it's very important to become aware of them to make sure we achieve exactly what we want. Whatever it might be.

-EXERCISE-

Pick one activity you carry out daily and become aware of the sequences of thoughts that accompany it.

2
Successful and Unsuccessful Strategies.

We have learnt strategies that work for us just as we have learnt ones that work against us. Once we become aware of what we are doing when our lives are going well and what we are doing when our lives are not going well, we have choices.

-SELF-COACHING-

  • Think of 3 strategies you run successfully. Pay special attention to your thoughts from beginning to finish.

  • Do the same for 3 unsuccessful strategies that you would like to change.

  • What can you change in your unsuccessful strategies to make them successful?

3
Understanding and changing your strategies.

Just before we start progressing into eliciting and changing strategies, there is a basic strategy pattern that is crucial to learn. All strategies fit into this format known as the TOTE Model.

The model was first introduced in Plans and the Structure of Behaviour published in 1960 by George Miller, Eugene Galanter and Karl H. Pribram. The TOTE acronym stands for Test, Operate, Test, Exit. It is a sequence based on computer modelling of both internal and external activities which produces a specific behaviour or outcome that is often just below the level of consciousness.

As explained in the video, the TOTE is a feedback loop designed to prompt you to find what you need to achieve your desired state. These are its components:

  • Trigger: What sets off the strategy based on what you want to do/achieve.

  • Present State: Your current state with the intention of obtaining the desired state/outcome.

  • Operate: The act to reduce the difference between the present state and the desired state.

  • Test: Compares the present state with the desired state. Are we good to exit?

  • Exit: When the desired state is achieved.

Before I ask you to do anything with this new knowledge, watch the next video.

4
Break your strategies down to find what works.

Let me bring the model to life with the following story:

I was having a coaching session with a client, she is the customer care manager at a consultancy firm who came to me because she was getting more involved in sales and had to do more presentations in front of clients and members of her team. She was struggling with her nerves, concentration, lack of sleep the night before followed by what she considered poor performances.

What you've watched in the video is a very short demonstration of how powerful it can be when we become aware of the thoughts that accompany our behaviours and begin to change them around looking for more desired outcomes. The TOTE model is a strategy in itself that helps you analyse the thinking processes that lead to your different results in life. As always, I invite you to experiment with it and make it your own, try various adaptations to find what works as well as noticing what doesn't.

-EXERCISE-

  • Pick an unsuccessful strategy and break it down using TOTE. The idea is to find what works and what doesn't in order to replace the latter.

  • Once you've identified the elements that are not helping you achieve your desired state, look for alternatives that might work and bring them into your strategy.

  • After making changes, remember to test to ensure you are reaching your desired state.

Let's wrap this up

Our days are sequences of TOTEs. Some repeat every hour, others a few days in between and some may take longer. Recognising and then changing your TOTEs will give you enormous flexibility and power to achieve anything you want in life.

With this knowledge, you will be able to spot moments of brilliance in other people and replicate them, can you imagine? Unlimited learning available with every human interaction.

What do you want?

  • Talk your way up the business ladder?

  • Become the influential leader people look up to?

  • Grow your personal brand and your business?

  • Deliver memorable and persuasive presentations?

  • Create enriching and long-lasting relationships?

Look for people how are doing it or have already done it and elicit their thinking and behaviours. I told you this course is transformational and we are only finishing section three. Let's now learn how to gain more perspectives, because one is not enough.

Perspectives

1
There is more than one perspective.

Change how a situation occurs to you to change your experience. Or walk a mile or two in the other person's moccasins to understand her view of the world. You may have heard these expressions before. What is the real value behind being able to gain various perspectives around any given situation?

Let me answer that with another question. Have you ever wondered how is it that some people seem to be able to navigate their way through life achieving most of what they want and somehow supporting the people with whom they come into contact with?

These people have a magic formula that enables them to transform just about every situation in a way that benefits all the parties involved. This magic formula is their ability to consider more than one perspective at the time to create a more holistic view of the situation at hand.

Successful leaders, communicators and negotiators have this in common. By gaining multiple perspectives they achieve what they want while enabling others to do the same. Learning to do this consistently will enable you to:

  • - Learn and grow with every human interaction, even those we have labelled as "difficult".

  • - Deal with people who we feel are regularly trying to block our path.

  • - Let go of resentment, anger and guilt.

  • - Learn from all experiences in ways that benefit us in all contexts of our life.

On this section, I will be sharing some of the work done by John Grinder and Judith DeLozier. The strategy they developed is a way of learning to take different perspectives on a situation in order to find balance in how we go forward to a solution.

2
Changing positions to change perspectives.

There are three primary positions (you can take many more if you like). Below you will find a description of what it means to take these positions in your thinking and some of the questions you can ask to coach yourself and others.

1st Position:

This is looking at the world from your own point of view, through your own eyes. You are totally associated and not taking account of anyone else's point of view, it's your own reality with its accompanying opinions, beliefs and values. In this position you speak using language such as "I feel," "I want," "I hear," "I see". This is a way of thinking that allows you to know what you really want.

2nd Position:

From this position, you are considering how it would look, feel and sound for another person. You are looking through another person's eyes; appreciating the other person's point of view. It is stepping into someone else's map of the world. How does this appear to them? The stronger the rapport you have with another person, the easier it will be for you to appreciate their reality and achieve second position. This position is about appreciating and understanding their world, you don't need to agree with them.

3rd position:

This is also known as the "observer" or "fly on the wall" position. From here you are seeing the world from an outside point of view, from a dissociated position and as an independent observer, someone with no personal involvement in the situation. You are able to appreciate the connections and relationships between the first and second position. How would this look to someone who is not involved?

This creates an objective viewpoint from which you can generate and evaluate some useful choices in a difficult situation.

-SELF-COACHING-

From what perspective do you operate primarily with:

  • Your boss?

  • Customers?

  • Friends and colleagues?

  • Family members?

  • The person closest to you?

3
Using position № 2 to step into a more resourceful state.

This is the exercise I referred to on the previous video.

Give this a go and write down a comment with your results. Experiment and enjoy the process.

Here are some of the questions you can ask:

  • How are you behaving?

  • How are you feeling?

  • What do you believe about the situation?

  • What's important to you?

  • What is there for you to learn?

  • How has your perception changed?

4
Develop the ability to change any situation around.

"Wisdom comes from multiple perspectives".

-Gregory Bateson-

-BUILD THE MUSCLE-

Think of a situation where you would benefit from having different perspectives and move around the three positions. How do you perceive the situation differently now?

I encourage you to do this often and soon enough you'll reap the benefits.

Gaining new perspectives will enable you to change the meaning of your experiences by obtaining a balanced approach in thinking. Moving around the different positions will also give you choice and understanding in situations that otherwise might be blocked.

I invite you to continue developing your thinking flexibility by proactively stepping into these positions while noticing the changes and results you get in the various areas of your life.

Our outcomes and their impact.

1
Well-Formed Outcomes

Stephen Covey in his book the 7 habits of highly effective people begins the chapter of his second habit with the following visualisation exercise:

"In your mind’s eye, see yourself going to the funeral of a loved one. Picture yourself driving to the funeral parlour or chapel, parking the car, and getting out. As you walk inside the building, you notice the flowers, the soft organ music. You see the faces of friends and family you pass along the way. You feel the shared sorrow of losing, the joy of having known, that radiates from the hearts of the people there. As you walk down to the front of the room and look inside the casket, you suddenly come face to face with yourself. This is your funeral, three years from today. All these people have come to honour you, to express feelings of love and appreciation for your life. As you take a seat and wait for the services to begin, you look at the program in your hand. There are to be four speakers.

The first is from your family, immediate and also extended —children, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents who have come from all over the country to attend. The second speaker is one of your friends, someone who can give a sense of what you were as a person. The third speaker is from your work or profession. And the fourth is from your church or some community organization where you’ve been involved in service. Now think deeply. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of husband, wife, father, or mother would like their words to reflect? What kind of son or daughter or cousin? What kind of friend? What kind of working associate? What character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions, what achievements would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around you. What difference would you like to have made in their lives?"

Having read the extract from the 7 habits of highly effective people, you might be considering your life under a different lens. I think it's always important to take time to ponder on your life and where you are going and this section will provide some space and tools for you to do just that.

Make the most of this learning experience, have fun and enjoy the process.

2
How sustainable are your goals?

"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects".

- Dalai Lama -

As I just explained, ecology is the study of consequences. The overall concern about the relationship between a person and his/her environment. The achievement of our goals will only be true and sustainable when the dynamic balance between a being and its environment is met. Doing an ecology check will also move us wonderfully toward becoming more effective and more empowered in “running our own brain”.

-TIME TO REFLECT-

What do you really want and how would it impact those around you? Share your answer in a comment.

-HELPFUL QUESTIONS TO RUN AN ECOLOGY CHECK ON YOUR GOAL-

  • Is it balanced or out-of-balanced?

  • Is it healthy or unhealthy?

  • Does it enhance life or does it create limitations?

  • Does it empower you/others or does it create dis-empowerment?

  • Does it increase resourcefulness or is it unresourceful?

  • Does it bring out our best or sabotage our efforts?

3
Problem Based vs Outcome Based Thinking

We have covered our filters and thinking patterns already, so let's cut to the chase. Do you mainly perceive problems or opportunities? Remember there is no right or wrong here.

Most importantly, is this way of thinking serving you? Is it allowing you to achieve what you want in life?

If you work for an aerospace manufacturer, of course using a problem based filter will enable you to carry out an amazing job, because looking for the error, mistake, flaw can save lives. The parts being made have to be perfect.

Now, if you apply that filter to other areas of your life, how is it different then? Imagine you are invited to speak about your business at an event and it was short-notice, maybe looking at the situation as an opportunity instead of a problem would be more beneficial, wouldn't it?

If we were going to agree that our lives are the results of our decisions, then the ability to consciously choose between problem or outcome based thinking when setting our goals will make an enormous difference.

Examples of Problem Thinking (Away From) goals:

  • I want to lose weight.

  • I don't want to have another argument with my boss.

  • I don't want to feel nervous during my next presentation.

  • I want less stress at work.

  • I want to be happy when I retire.

Notice your physiology and how you feel.

Examples of Outcome Thinking (Towards) goals:

  • I want to be really fit.

  • I want to do a TEDx.

  • I want to be someone who makes a difference in the world.

  • I want balance in my life.

  • I want to succeed at work.

Notice your physiology and how you feel.

-SELF-COACHING-

Think of 5 things you would like to achieve. Are they stated towards or away from what you want?

4
S.M.A.R.T. Goals with a Human Spin

How is it then that some people are satisfied, highly motivated and consistently achieving the sort of success they want? What is the difference that makes the difference? Let's explore this in a way that will enable you to set compelling outcomes for yourself and to support others to do the same.

Without further ado, it's time for you to create your S.M.A.R.T. Outcome.

Think about something you would like to achieve and get started.

-MY 5 TOP TIPS FOR SETTING AND ACHIEVING S.M.A.R.T. OUTCOMES-

  • Run some preparation in advance for the obstacles to come and remain flexible.

  • Find and meet people pursuing similar goals and model those who have already achieved them.

  • Always keep your goal in mind.

  • Say and write your goal the way you want it.

  • Imagine yourself 5 minutes after having achieved your goal and notice how your life is different now.

5
Let's recap

Always take your time to reflect on what you've learnt and how you are going to apply the new learning to get what you want out of life.

The most important is that you continue creating your S.M.A.R.T. Outcomes as presented in this section until it becomes a habit. This is the best way to practise what you've learnt.

As a download, I'm giving you access to one of the presentations I've run in the past when introducing this topic. It's a summary since your manual provides information in more depth.

6
[BONUS] - State your Outcome the way you want it!

Feel free to leave a comment with your results in the comments' box at the end of this section.

-WRAP-UP-

As a summary, I want to provide you with the criteria for a well-formed outcome, based on the study of those who are statistically more able than most to achieve the outcomes they hold (Sue Knight, NLP at Work).

  1. Stated in the positive (what you do rather than what you don't).

  2. Expressed in the present tense (imagining it as if you have it right now).

  3. Expressed in all senses. You can describe what you are seeing, hearing, feeling physically, tasting, smelling and feeling emotionally).

  4. It is self-maintained (it is about your part of the system, not expressed in terms of others).

  5. It is a win/win: it is a win for the significant others in your life as well as for you.

  6. It is an end result not just a step en route (for example, dieting might be a step toward being fit and healthy, which is a step toward being a great healthy example and companion to your family).

  7. It has a higher purpose (it is ultimately about making a difference in the world for others and is beyond self).

  8. It fits with who you are. If you are an explorer at heart, there is no point having a goal about safety and security.

  9. It satisfies the payoff that you get from your present state (if you get attention from being the way that you are and you like that, check that your outcome satisfies this need for attention in a healthy way).

  10. You are prepared to pay the price to achieve it.

  11. You are committed to taking the specific next step (you are willing to act and do so).

  12. You hold the belief throughout that, whatever happens, is feedback, there is no drawing back, only learning.

Self-Alignment: Finding the best version of ourselves.

1
Self-Alignment

We live in a complex, unpredictable world. We can no longer rely on plans and predictions. The environment is continuously changing and challenging the Status Quo. If you think about it, the only part of the system we can potentially rely on is ourselves, and yet this is the part of the system that for many people lies largely untapped.

I personally like to see life as a ball game in which I don't know where the next ball will come from or how. So my way to proactively thrive within this uncertainty is by managing myself and having a strong sense of what I want to achieve. I'm always looking for a state of readiness and flexibility that allows me to seize the opportunities as they present themselves. When I achieve this state, the sweet spot within myself, that "aha moment" when everything falls into place and feels right, that's what I mean by self-alignment and in case you are wondering, it doesn't happen all the time.

Self-Alignment is a daily quest that Carl Rogers regarded as a process rather than an end or completion of life’s journey. Building or strengthening Self-Alignment takes deliberate planning and concentrated effort.

It takes overcoming negative childhood experiences, acknowledging your intrinsic value as a human being, and then working to acquire the skills needed to confront the many challenges and adversities we encounter in life. But once we manage to regularly access this state where we are at one with who we are, and there is little or no conflict or stress, at this point we are approaching the best we can be. And this kind of aligned state can be achieved by paying attention to the levels we are going to cover next.

2
Levels of Influence - Pyramid of Change - Neuro-Levels​

This concept of logical levels of learning and change was initially formulated as a mechanism in the behavioural sciences by anthropologist Gregory Bateson. He identified four basic levels of learning and change, each level encompassing and organising elements from the levels below it, and each having a greater degree of impact on the individual, organism or system.

The terms Neurological Levels, Logical Levels or Logical Levels of Change, was adapted from Bateson's work, and refers to a hierarchy of levels of processes within an individual or group. The function of each level is to synthesise, organise and direct the interactions on the level below it. Making a change on an upper level 'radiates' downwards, precipitating change on the lower levels. Changing something on the lower level could, but not necessarily, affect the upper levels. As you will see next, these levels include identity, beliefs and values, capabilities, behaviour and environment. A sixth level, referred to as 'purpose' here, can be defined as a type of 'relational field', which encompasses multiple identities, forming a sense of being a member of a larger system beyond one's individual identity.

To illustrate the above further, let me share with you the aligned version I aim to achieve before I stand up and speak in public. What do I encapsulate at each one of the levels to be the best version of myself at that very moment?

  • Purpose: To inspire people towards change through what I love doing.

  • Identity: I'm an inspiring speaker.

  • Values and Beliefs:

    • Values: There is nothing more important than my audience. I'm here for them and I want to give them my best.

    • Beliefs: I've done this before, this is where I and the world thrive together. No matter what happens, there is no failure, there is only learning.

  • Skills and Capabilities: I've passionately prepared my topic and have the experience and training that will allow me to succeed today.

  • Behaviour: I act in congruence with all of the above levels. My actions represent those of an inspiring speaker who loves what he does.

  • Environment: Through myself and together with the audience, a unique connection that enables transformation is created.

Going through these levels in my mind fills me up with amazing power and energy. Imagine if you could do the same, if you haven't already?

Download the Pyramid of Change Coaching Card I've made available for you and begin to experiment.

3
Puppet vs Puppet Master

Are you reactive or proactive in the way you respond to events in your life? What is it that distinguishes those who influence their own destiny from those who leave their fate in the hands of others or to chance?

Allow me to expand a bit more.

If we look back to the Pyramid of Change, when your attention is directed mainly to the lower levels, you will be thinking about how you and others behave in the environment.

You will be affected by changes in other people's behaviours and changes in the environment. If the weather is sunny it may cheer you up, if it's dull and wet you feel down. This tends to lead to a more reactive way of dealing with life. It's the same as being at effect, remember from Section 1?

The opposite is a proactive behaviour that requires you to focus on the higher levels of purpose, identity, beliefs and values. This is characteristic of those who operate independently of others (not without regard for them, but making decisions in line with what they believe to be important.

For example, I decided to create this training course because I believe we can all create the life we deserve and want, just like Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be".

How you think about yourself and what happens to you in life will determine your present and your future.

-TIME TO REFLECT-

Score from 1 to10.

How proactive are you in the following areas?

Job - Social life - Family & Friends - Career - Business - Dreams - Health

Since I mention 'purpose' more than a few times throughout this section, I decided to share a couple of resources that you may find useful.

4
Falling out of Alignment

I wouldn't expect anyone to be in a coherent state of alignment all the time, because going out of alignment is normal and it will happen, it's part of what makes us human. It's not about being always congruent, but about noticing when you aren’t to find your way back to alignment.

You may recognise you are out of balance (alignment) when your circumstances affect you adversely, when you are preoccupied with a negative internal dialogue, when your focus is on problems, or when you feel stressed, tired, stuck or upset.

Often the combination of life difficulties can trigger an unproductive pattern of thinking and behaviours. At these times it is of most value to be able to hold on to a state of alignment.

It is when you are tested that your true values and principles come through. This is why the more familiar you become with what you consider to be important for you at each of the levels and the more you remind yourself of this, the more likely you are to be able to regain your balance (and maybe hold on to it) in times of challenge and stress.

Having watched the video:

How was that?

Have you ever been in a situation similar to the one I've just described? Maybe you are in one at the moment?

If you are currently experiencing a situation or set of circumstances that you would like to be different, follow the process that I've just shared with you.

5
Wrapping up with Beliefs of Excellence

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right".

-Henry Ford-

Ready to try on a new jacket?

A couple of weeks after lockdown started, I created a video sharing some of my challenges and how I was dealing with things. Proactively changing my beliefs has been a crucial factor in how I've navigated and adapted to the current environment. This training has been one of the outcomes.

Click on the link below, watch the video, download the Beliefs of Excellence Training Card and make your life happen.

6
[AUDIO BONUS] The Pyramind of Change applied to Languages!

If you downloaded my presentation on how to build your business around your purpose, then you've already seen an adaptation of the pyramid of change.

Below there is yet another adaptation. I was invited by Tatiana Taranova, English teacher and language specialist to share the application of the Pyramind of Change to language learning.

I leave you to it.

-BUILD THE MUSCLE-

  • Take a few moments and imagine you are getting ready for an interview, presentation, important event. Now from your own perspective, write a paragraph that describes the most aligned version of yourself and see, hear and feel how the whole situation plays out to your advantage. Play the event in your head over and over until the situation is exactly as you would like it to be.

  • I also invite you to use the Pyramid of Change to find and regain balance in your life following the steps I've shown you. As always, get curious and trust the process.

End of Module 1

1
Final words

- END OF MODULE 1-

This is not just the end of this section but of the whole module, so well done for getting this far. Everything that we have covered are the tools and knowledge that I've been using and teaching for years to enable change in people's lives. Now that you have this knowledge, you can decide to apply it to change your life just like I changed mine and to unleash the power and excellence unique to you.

I'm writing this piece at 3:00 am in the morning and I'm delighted for having the opportunity to share what I know with you. I hope you get to the point where you believe that nothing can stop you because you are the Captain of your Ship, no-one else is.

I may have said this before: it's key that you keep on practising and building the most powerful muscle in your body, 'your mind', as you continue to create your present and your future.

Thank you once again for being on this journey with me and I look forward to having you on my next modules:

  • Communication 121

  • Sharing your Excellence with the world through Public Speaking

Introduction

1
Introduction

Here is where your journey as an Outstanding Communicator begins.

This is the first module (Mindset) of my signature training program. Module 2 is all about Communication 1-2-1 and Module 3 Public Speaking. Check them out.

This module is about achieving an internal connection and unleashing the power and excellence unique to you.

Did you know that 80% or more of your success is made up of your Mindset and Communication Skills?

If you've ever wondered what's the difference between you and the people living the life you would like for yourself, now you have the answer. Around 80% is down to how you think and communicate.

Great news because that puts the ball in your court. If you want a career change, talk your way up the business ladder, grow your business, become an inspiring leader, build long-lasting relationships, the work begins with you and that's what this first module is about.

Let's take a look at what you will be learning through this unique training course, which is informed by sharing Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Coaching, Professional Public Speaking, International Business, Marketing and Life insights acquired during my career and from some of the best trainers and mentors in the UK.

I hope you enjoy and make the most of this amazing online course to be delivered in my own uniquely informal and entertaining way.

Creating your reality

1
The communication model

When it comes to understanding how it is that we create our reality, as an NLP Master Trainer, I always like to refer back to the NLP Communication Model.

Originally conceived and developed by John Grinder and Richard Bandler, NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming began as a model of how we communicate and interact with ourselves and others. The NLP communication model explains how we process the information that comes in from outside us and what we do with it inside.

Have you ever noticed that people treat their perceptions differently? Some people have to “see” certain relationships between things, where others need to have it explained or so they can “hear it”. Still, others have to “get a grasp or a feeling” for the relationships. This is the essence of how we create our subjective experience.

Why subjective? In the view of NLP, whether or not there is an objective absolute reality, individual people do not have access to absolute knowledge of this reality and instead can only access a set of beliefs and experiences they have built up over time.

-IMPORTANT-

Knowing how you create your reality, will give you the power to change it to your advantage. This is what successful people do.

2
The functions of the mind

OK. So, the external event comes in through the sensory input channels and it's filtered and managed by our neurology. As we manage the perception of the event, we delete, distort, and generalize the information according to the following processes that filter our perception.

When two people have the same stimulus, why do they not have the same response? The answer is, because we delete, distort, and generalize the information that comes through our senses based on our filters (Meta Programs, Belief Systems, Values, Decisions, and Memories-Experiences).

-PRACTISE-

  • I invite you to get curious about how you react to different circumstances on a daily basis. Today, notice your reactions and ask yourself:

  • Through which lens am I looking at this situation?

  • What can I do to change my current view/opinion about what's in front of me?

3
The conscious & unconscious mind

You may well be familiar with these terms, but what do they really mean? It's helpful to think of them as a metaphor for our mind. Think of your mind as a huge dark attic, wherever you shine your torch is currently your conscious awareness, everything else that remains in the dark represents your unconscious. Move your torch enough and you will find your entire life stored in there.

In Sigmund Freud's psychoanalytic theory of personality, the conscious mind consists of everything inside of our awareness. This is the aspect of our mental processing that we can think and talk about in a rational way. The conscious mind is just the tip of the iceberg and it includes such things as the sensations, perceptions, memories, feelings, and fantasies inside of our current awareness.

The unconscious mind is everything else in the mind-body system that is not conscious at that moment. We say somehow your unconscious mind has the complete knowledge of the system that is you. It has amazing processing capabilities compared with the conscious mind.

4
Cause and effect

To explain in the simplest terms what being at cause or at effect mean, I would use the bus analogy: when you are at cause, you are basically driving your own bus and when you are at effect, you are a mere passenger.

If you, or someone, remain ‘at effect’, you are somewhere seeing yourself as a receiver, therefore as someone that has no power in changing the situation. ‘Being at effect’ is usually associated with the notion of feeling that you are the victim or the feeling of acting like a victim.

When you move to ‘being at cause’ and consciously accept that you can influence the situation created, you claim an amount of ownership over the situation and begin to actively look for solutions. You are moving from ‘a victim’ or ‘a receiver’ to being an ‘active agent.’ You now have the power to act and change.

-IMPORTANT-

  • Notice today when you are being at cause and at effect.

  • If you find yourself at effect, what can you do to be at cause?

"The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes.”

-Charles Swindoll-

5
This is what we've covered so far...

How are you doing?

I really hope you are enjoying the videos and material that I've created especially for you.

6
[BONUS] - Change your reality by understanding it in another way

I wasn't going to let you off the hook. After what we've covered, I wanted to leave you with a very powerful tool that will enable you to change your perception of reality. It is not the only one, so stay tuned because there will be many more in the coming sections.

Before we move on, I would like you to take some time to think about what you've learned so far, situations and scenarios in your life where you could begin to apply this new knowledge and in your mind notice the change that is already happening.

You have embarked on an amazing journey that will transform your life for good.

Let's continue to find and unleash the excellence you carry within you.

Thinking patterns

1
Our thinking patterns

As you have already learned from the previous section, what we think influences how we act, so learning to identify how our thinking is shaping our actions enables us to capture and replicate moments of excellence.

Just like Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “Do something. If it works, do more of it. If it doesn't, do something else.”

Taking the time to learn how we think will enable us to understand and relate to many different people and cultures. Think about your current environment for a moment, even if you all speak the same language, each individual has their own unique language and personal culture.

When we learn to recognise, respect and accept that we are all very unique in our own way, we will begin to successfully navigate through the diversities of our global network.

What if I say to you that life is what we make it?

Looking back at the communication model, we take information through our senses and then represent it as a combination of sensory systems and inner feelings. This way of thinking (thinking patterns) are how we create (code) our experience, so think about this for a moment. What kind of life would you create for yourself if you could manage your thoughts?

What career, business, relationships would you have today?

If what we think is what we are, what are you now?

Let's take this knowledge to the next level while I leave you with a quote from Blaise Pascal:

"Our achievements of today are but the sum total of our thoughts of yesterday. We are today where the thoughts of yesterday have brought us and we will be tomorrow where the thoughts of today take us".

2
Thinking preferences

It's time for you to get curious about how you think because here lies the key to your success.

After watching the video, how was your thinking process compared to mine?

To recap, these are the three different ways of thinking I referred to in the video:

  • Visual: We think in pictures. We represent ideas, memories and imagination as mental images.

  • Auditory: We think in sounds. These could be noises or voices.

  • Feelings: We also represent thoughts as feelings, either internal emotions or the thought of a physical touch. In this category, we can include taste and smell.

You will find that you have a preference for some systems over others, both in the way you think and in the way you communicate. Great communicators have the ability to use language that appeals to all senses, especially when speaking in front of a big crowd, writing a book or an email addressed to many people. This is the best way to connect with all their preferences.

Next time you walk into a meeting, begin to notice peoples' preferred systems and speak to them accordingly. Do the same with emails. This is a great way to gain flexibility and also to build rapport.

3
Programs that filter our reality

In Module 2, Communication 1-2-1 I will be expanding more on these filters. For the time being, just be aware that they exist.

Knowing someone’s Meta Programs can help you clearly and closely predict people’s states, and therefore predict their actions and behaviours. Meta Programs are clearly outlined in Module 2 (Filters in our Communication). One important point about Meta Programs is that they are not good or bad, they are just the way someone handles information.

4
The way we do one thing, we do many. That's right.

You may have heard a more popular version, "the way you do one thing, you do everything" but as you may know by now, I'm not fond of generalisations.

The first time I heard this expression from one of my mentors I didn't know what to make of it. I have to say that it kept me very curious for a while and now I use it very often.

The patterns we run tend to extend to other areas of our lives and by learning to recognise this we can amplify the effect change can have in the rest of the system.

-SPOTTING PATTERNS-

  • What unhelpful patterns (habits) are you currently running?

  • Next, ask yourself what impact they are having in your life as a whole/what other areas of your life are being affected?

  • Guess what my next question will be? What are you doing to change these patterns?

5
We carry our patterns with us

Just like the song by Crowded House says, "Everywhere you go, always take the weather with you", well, this is exactly what we do. Our lives follow patterns that we take with us wherever we go.

It is our patterns in thinking and behaving that create our response to our circumstances, not the circumstances themselves. And by becoming aware of these patterns or habits we can begin to choose the life we want. Running away from what we don't want is not the answer. We remain the constant that creates our circumstances.

-SELF-COACHING-

  • What kind of weather do you carry with you?

  • Most importantly, what kind of weather would you like to carry with you?

6
Applying the new learning

-EXERCISES-

  • You have a very important presentation tomorrow. Is the way you are thinking about it helping you? If not, what variations can you make in your thinking to represent the experience in exactly the way you would like it to be?

  • What sort of jobs do you think would best suit people whose thinking preference is (a) visual; (b) auditory; (c) feelings?

  • Think of a successful outcome after a regular meeting. How do you think about it? Is it a picture? Are there any sounds? Do you experience any feelings?

  • Think of a person you have a good relationship with and a person with whom you do not. How does your thinking change? What are the main variations?

  • Look at a website that appeals to you. Which senses does it stimulate to get your attention?

  • Think of a part of your work that you really enjoy. Now think of a part that you enjoy less. Notice the variations in your thinking.

  • Take a look at an email you have received recently. Which senses are you using as you read it?

  • Ask 2-3 people you know to do something uncomfortable and watch their reaction. It could be to post a video of themselves on social media or to speak at the next family reunion. Remember that how you do one thing, you do many.

  • Get curious and continue to explore how your thinking patterns influence your life.

7
[BONUS] Change your internal representation of an event.

Here is a very useful technique that you can apply every time there is something you want to change.

It's amazing what you can achieve when you use your thinking patterns and variations in thinking to your advantage.

I invite you to experiment with this technique and to share your results.

8
[BONUS] Get rid of Negative Self-Talk

I say it's time to have some fun and play with our Self-Talk!

Take your Self-Talk out, mock it and notice the difference.

How are you enjoying this training so far? Feel free to leave your comments.

-SUMMARY-

What we think is what we are and life is what we make it.

My question to you is, what are you doing with this new knowledge? Remember that is not about what you know, but how you feel about it and how you apply it.

By now you can recognise how you think and create your experience, and also how to change it by altering the subtle variations that take place, amazing, isn't it?

You can also recognise these patterns in other people, which enables you to adapt your communication to suit their style. This is one of the keys to build rapport and be able to influence others.

Next, we are going to learn together about "Strategies", the sequences of thoughts and behaviours that reveal how it is that we do, what we do.

How we do what we do: Strategies

1
Strategies - How we do, what we do.

"We all run different strategies to manage our life, from the way we brush our teeth, to the way we make love... Some of us are just better at them than others..."

-Toby McCartney-

Put very simply, thoughts accompany behaviours. We may be well aware of the behaviour and totally unaware of the thoughts that come with it. The thoughts have been conditioned (programmed) over time so that they just happen. The thoughts happen repeatably and they result in the behaviour.

If we want to create a skill and just concentrate on the behaviour, ignoring the thoughts, then we are likely to only have half of the story, getting poor results. If we want to change a behaviour and concentrate on altering that behaviour but we ignore the thoughts that come with it then we will probably just get temporary change.

We use repeatable sequences of thoughts to do things that we are skilful at, for example speaking in public or when communicating with others (if you aren't skilful yet, you will be by the end of this course). We use strategies for everything we do, to make decisions, set goals, plan our week, procrastinate, motivate ourselves, to learn...

These sequences often happen at an unconscious level, so it's very important to become aware of them to make sure we achieve exactly what we want. Whatever it might be.

-EXERCISE-

Pick one activity you carry out daily and become aware of the sequences of thoughts that accompany it.

2
Successful and Unsuccessful Strategies.

We have learnt strategies that work for us just as we have learnt ones that work against us. Once we become aware of what we are doing when our lives are going well and what we are doing when our lives are not going well, we have choices.

-SELF-COACHING-

  • Think of 3 strategies you run successfully. Pay special attention to your thoughts from beginning to finish.

  • Do the same for 3 unsuccessful strategies that you would like to change.

  • What can you change in your unsuccessful strategies to make them successful?

3
Understanding and changing your strategies.

Just before we start progressing into eliciting and changing strategies, there is a basic strategy pattern that is crucial to learn. All strategies fit into this format known as the TOTE Model.

The model was first introduced in Plans and the Structure of Behaviour published in 1960 by George Miller, Eugene Galanter and Karl H. Pribram. The TOTE acronym stands for Test, Operate, Test, Exit. It is a sequence based on computer modelling of both internal and external activities which produces a specific behaviour or outcome that is often just below the level of consciousness.

As explained in the video, the TOTE is a feedback loop designed to prompt you to find what you need to achieve your desired state. These are its components:

  • Trigger: What sets off the strategy based on what you want to do/achieve.

  • Present State: Your current state with the intention of obtaining the desired state/outcome.

  • Operate: The act to reduce the difference between the present state and the desired state.

  • Test: Compares the present state with the desired state. Are we good to exit?

  • Exit: When the desired state is achieved.

Before I ask you to do anything with this new knowledge, watch the next video.

4
Break your strategies down to find what works.

Let me bring the model to life with the following story:

I was having a coaching session with a client, she is the customer care manager at a consultancy firm who came to me because she was getting more involved in sales and had to do more presentations in front of clients and members of her team. She was struggling with her nerves, concentration, lack of sleep the night before followed by what she considered poor performances.

What you've watched in the video is a very short demonstration of how powerful it can be when we become aware of the thoughts that accompany our behaviours and begin to change them around looking for more desired outcomes. The TOTE model is a strategy in itself that helps you analyse the thinking processes that lead to your different results in life. As always, I invite you to experiment with it and make it your own, try various adaptations to find what works as well as noticing what doesn't.

-EXERCISE-

  • Pick an unsuccessful strategy and break it down using TOTE. The idea is to find what works and what doesn't in order to replace the latter.

  • Once you've identified the elements that are not helping you achieve your desired state, look for alternatives that might work and bring them into your strategy.

  • After making changes, remember to test to ensure you are reaching your desired state.

Let's wrap this up

Our days are sequences of TOTEs. Some repeat every hour, others a few days in between and some may take longer. Recognising and then changing your TOTEs will give you enormous flexibility and power to achieve anything you want in life.

With this knowledge, you will be able to spot moments of brilliance in other people and replicate them, can you imagine? Unlimited learning available with every human interaction.

What do you want?

  • Talk your way up the business ladder?

  • Become the influential leader people look up to?

  • Grow your personal brand and your business?

  • Deliver memorable and persuasive presentations?

  • Create enriching and long-lasting relationships?

Look for people how are doing it or have already done it and elicit their thinking and behaviours. I told you this course is transformational and we are only finishing section three. Let's now learn how to gain more perspectives, because one is not enough.

Perspectives

1
There is more than one perspective.

Change how a situation occurs to you to change your experience. Or walk a mile or two in the other person's moccasins to understand her view of the world. You may have heard these expressions before. What is the real value behind being able to gain various perspectives around any given situation?

Let me answer that with another question. Have you ever wondered how is it that some people seem to be able to navigate their way through life achieving most of what they want and somehow supporting the people with whom they come into contact with?

These people have a magic formula that enables them to transform just about every situation in a way that benefits all the parties involved. This magic formula is their ability to consider more than one perspective at the time to create a more holistic view of the situation at hand.

Successful leaders, communicators and negotiators have this in common. By gaining multiple perspectives they achieve what they want while enabling others to do the same. Learning to do this consistently will enable you to:

  • - Learn and grow with every human interaction, even those we have labelled as "difficult".

  • - Deal with people who we feel are regularly trying to block our path.

  • - Let go of resentment, anger and guilt.

  • - Learn from all experiences in ways that benefit us in all contexts of our life.

On this section, I will be sharing some of the work done by John Grinder and Judith DeLozier. The strategy they developed is a way of learning to take different perspectives on a situation in order to find balance in how we go forward to a solution.

2
Changing positions to change perspectives.

There are three primary positions (you can take many more if you like). Below you will find a description of what it means to take these positions in your thinking and some of the questions you can ask to coach yourself and others.

1st Position:

This is looking at the world from your own point of view, through your own eyes. You are totally associated and not taking account of anyone else's point of view, it's your own reality with its accompanying opinions, beliefs and values. In this position you speak using language such as "I feel," "I want," "I hear," "I see". This is a way of thinking that allows you to know what you really want.

2nd Position:

From this position, you are considering how it would look, feel and sound for another person. You are looking through another person's eyes; appreciating the other person's point of view. It is stepping into someone else's map of the world. How does this appear to them? The stronger the rapport you have with another person, the easier it will be for you to appreciate their reality and achieve second position. This position is about appreciating and understanding their world, you don't need to agree with them.

3rd position:

This is also known as the "observer" or "fly on the wall" position. From here you are seeing the world from an outside point of view, from a dissociated position and as an independent observer, someone with no personal involvement in the situation. You are able to appreciate the connections and relationships between the first and second position. How would this look to someone who is not involved?

This creates an objective viewpoint from which you can generate and evaluate some useful choices in a difficult situation.

-SELF-COACHING-

From what perspective do you operate primarily with:

  • Your boss?

  • Customers?

  • Friends and colleagues?

  • Family members?

  • The person closest to you?

3
Using position № 2 to step into a more resourceful state.

This is the exercise I referred to on the previous video.

Give this a go and write down a comment with your results. Experiment and enjoy the process.

Here are some of the questions you can ask:

  • How are you behaving?

  • How are you feeling?

  • What do you believe about the situation?

  • What's important to you?

  • What is there for you to learn?

  • How has your perception changed?

4
Develop the ability to change any situation around.

"Wisdom comes from multiple perspectives".

-Gregory Bateson-

-BUILD THE MUSCLE-

Think of a situation where you would benefit from having different perspectives and move around the three positions. How do you perceive the situation differently now?

I encourage you to do this often and soon enough you'll reap the benefits.

Gaining new perspectives will enable you to change the meaning of your experiences by obtaining a balanced approach in thinking. Moving around the different positions will also give you choice and understanding in situations that otherwise might be blocked.

I invite you to continue developing your thinking flexibility by proactively stepping into these positions while noticing the changes and results you get in the various areas of your life.

Our outcomes and their impact.

1
Well-Formed Outcomes

Stephen Covey in his book the 7 habits of highly effective people begins the chapter of his second habit with the following visualisation exercise:

"In your mind’s eye, see yourself going to the funeral of a loved one. Picture yourself driving to the funeral parlour or chapel, parking the car, and getting out. As you walk inside the building, you notice the flowers, the soft organ music. You see the faces of friends and family you pass along the way. You feel the shared sorrow of losing, the joy of having known, that radiates from the hearts of the people there. As you walk down to the front of the room and look inside the casket, you suddenly come face to face with yourself. This is your funeral, three years from today. All these people have come to honour you, to express feelings of love and appreciation for your life. As you take a seat and wait for the services to begin, you look at the program in your hand. There are to be four speakers.

The first is from your family, immediate and also extended —children, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents who have come from all over the country to attend. The second speaker is one of your friends, someone who can give a sense of what you were as a person. The third speaker is from your work or profession. And the fourth is from your church or some community organization where you’ve been involved in service. Now think deeply. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of husband, wife, father, or mother would like their words to reflect? What kind of son or daughter or cousin? What kind of friend? What kind of working associate? What character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions, what achievements would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around you. What difference would you like to have made in their lives?"

Having read the extract from the 7 habits of highly effective people, you might be considering your life under a different lens. I think it's always important to take time to ponder on your life and where you are going and this section will provide some space and tools for you to do just that.

Make the most of this learning experience, have fun and enjoy the process.

2
How sustainable are your goals?

"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects".

- Dalai Lama -

As I just explained, ecology is the study of consequences. The overall concern about the relationship between a person and his/her environment. The achievement of our goals will only be true and sustainable when the dynamic balance between a being and its environment is met. Doing an ecology check will also move us wonderfully toward becoming more effective and more empowered in “running our own brain”.

-TIME TO REFLECT-

What do you really want and how would it impact those around you? Share your answer in a comment.

-HELPFUL QUESTIONS TO RUN AN ECOLOGY CHECK ON YOUR GOAL-

  • Is it balanced or out-of-balanced?

  • Is it healthy or unhealthy?

  • Does it enhance life or does it create limitations?

  • Does it empower you/others or does it create dis-empowerment?

  • Does it increase resourcefulness or is it unresourceful?

  • Does it bring out our best or sabotage our efforts?

3
Problem Based vs Outcome Based Thinking

We have covered our filters and thinking patterns already, so let's cut to the chase. Do you mainly perceive problems or opportunities? Remember there is no right or wrong here.

Most importantly, is this way of thinking serving you? Is it allowing you to achieve what you want in life?

If you work for an aerospace manufacturer, of course using a problem based filter will enable you to carry out an amazing job, because looking for the error, mistake, flaw can save lives. The parts being made have to be perfect.

Now, if you apply that filter to other areas of your life, how is it different then? Imagine you are invited to speak about your business at an event and it was short-notice, maybe looking at the situation as an opportunity instead of a problem would be more beneficial, wouldn't it?

If we were going to agree that our lives are the results of our decisions, then the ability to consciously choose between problem or outcome based thinking when setting our goals will make an enormous difference.

Examples of Problem Thinking (Away From) goals:

  • I want to lose weight.

  • I don't want to have another argument with my boss.

  • I don't want to feel nervous during my next presentation.

  • I want less stress at work.

  • I want to be happy when I retire.

Notice your physiology and how you feel.

Examples of Outcome Thinking (Towards) goals:

  • I want to be really fit.

  • I want to do a TEDx.

  • I want to be someone who makes a difference in the world.

  • I want balance in my life.

  • I want to succeed at work.

Notice your physiology and how you feel.

-SELF-COACHING-

Think of 5 things you would like to achieve. Are they stated towards or away from what you want?

4
S.M.A.R.T. Goals with a Human Spin

How is it then that some people are satisfied, highly motivated and consistently achieving the sort of success they want? What is the difference that makes the difference? Let's explore this in a way that will enable you to set compelling outcomes for yourself and to support others to do the same.

Without further ado, it's time for you to create your S.M.A.R.T. Outcome.

Think about something you would like to achieve and get started.

-MY 5 TOP TIPS FOR SETTING AND ACHIEVING S.M.A.R.T. OUTCOMES-

  • Run some preparation in advance for the obstacles to come and remain flexible.

  • Find and meet people pursuing similar goals and model those who have already achieved them.

  • Always keep your goal in mind.

  • Say and write your goal the way you want it.

  • Imagine yourself 5 minutes after having achieved your goal and notice how your life is different now.

5
Let's recap

Always take your time to reflect on what you've learnt and how you are going to apply the new learning to get what you want out of life.

The most important is that you continue creating your S.M.A.R.T. Outcomes as presented in this section until it becomes a habit. This is the best way to practise what you've learnt.

As a download, I'm giving you access to one of the presentations I've run in the past when introducing this topic. It's a summary since your manual provides information in more depth.

6
[BONUS] - State your Outcome the way you want it!

Feel free to leave a comment with your results in the comments' box at the end of this section.

-WRAP-UP-

As a summary, I want to provide you with the criteria for a well-formed outcome, based on the study of those who are statistically more able than most to achieve the outcomes they hold (Sue Knight, NLP at Work).

  1. Stated in the positive (what you do rather than what you don't).

  2. Expressed in the present tense (imagining it as if you have it right now).

  3. Expressed in all senses. You can describe what you are seeing, hearing, feeling physically, tasting, smelling and feeling emotionally).

  4. It is self-maintained (it is about your part of the system, not expressed in terms of others).

  5. It is a win/win: it is a win for the significant others in your life as well as for you.

  6. It is an end result not just a step en route (for example, dieting might be a step toward being fit and healthy, which is a step toward being a great healthy example and companion to your family).

  7. It has a higher purpose (it is ultimately about making a difference in the world for others and is beyond self).

  8. It fits with who you are. If you are an explorer at heart, there is no point having a goal about safety and security.

  9. It satisfies the payoff that you get from your present state (if you get attention from being the way that you are and you like that, check that your outcome satisfies this need for attention in a healthy way).

  10. You are prepared to pay the price to achieve it.

  11. You are committed to taking the specific next step (you are willing to act and do so).

  12. You hold the belief throughout that, whatever happens, is feedback, there is no drawing back, only learning.

Self-Alignment: Finding the best version of ourselves.

1
Self-Alignment

We live in a complex, unpredictable world. We can no longer rely on plans and predictions. The environment is continuously changing and challenging the Status Quo. If you think about it, the only part of the system we can potentially rely on is ourselves, and yet this is the part of the system that for many people lies largely untapped.

I personally like to see life as a ball game in which I don't know where the next ball will come from or how. So my way to proactively thrive within this uncertainty is by managing myself and having a strong sense of what I want to achieve. I'm always looking for a state of readiness and flexibility that allows me to seize the opportunities as they present themselves. When I achieve this state, the sweet spot within myself, that "aha moment" when everything falls into place and feels right, that's what I mean by self-alignment and in case you are wondering, it doesn't happen all the time.

Self-Alignment is a daily quest that Carl Rogers regarded as a process rather than an end or completion of life’s journey. Building or strengthening Self-Alignment takes deliberate planning and concentrated effort.

It takes overcoming negative childhood experiences, acknowledging your intrinsic value as a human being, and then working to acquire the skills needed to confront the many challenges and adversities we encounter in life. But once we manage to regularly access this state where we are at one with who we are, and there is little or no conflict or stress, at this point we are approaching the best we can be. And this kind of aligned state can be achieved by paying attention to the levels we are going to cover next.

2
Levels of Influence - Pyramid of Change - Neuro-Levels​

This concept of logical levels of learning and change was initially formulated as a mechanism in the behavioural sciences by anthropologist Gregory Bateson. He identified four basic levels of learning and change, each level encompassing and organising elements from the levels below it, and each having a greater degree of impact on the individual, organism or system.

The terms Neurological Levels, Logical Levels or Logical Levels of Change, was adapted from Bateson's work, and refers to a hierarchy of levels of processes within an individual or group. The function of each level is to synthesise, organise and direct the interactions on the level below it. Making a change on an upper level 'radiates' downwards, precipitating change on the lower levels. Changing something on the lower level could, but not necessarily, affect the upper levels. As you will see next, these levels include identity, beliefs and values, capabilities, behaviour and environment. A sixth level, referred to as 'purpose' here, can be defined as a type of 'relational field', which encompasses multiple identities, forming a sense of being a member of a larger system beyond one's individual identity.

To illustrate the above further, let me share with you the aligned version I aim to achieve before I stand up and speak in public. What do I encapsulate at each one of the levels to be the best version of myself at that very moment?

  • Purpose: To inspire people towards change through what I love doing.

  • Identity: I'm an inspiring speaker.

  • Values and Beliefs:

    • Values: There is nothing more important than my audience. I'm here for them and I want to give them my best.

    • Beliefs: I've done this before, this is where I and the world thrive together. No matter what happens, there is no failure, there is only learning.

  • Skills and Capabilities: I've passionately prepared my topic and have the experience and training that will allow me to succeed today.

  • Behaviour: I act in congruence with all of the above levels. My actions represent those of an inspiring speaker who loves what he does.

  • Environment: Through myself and together with the audience, a unique connection that enables transformation is created.

Going through these levels in my mind fills me up with amazing power and energy. Imagine if you could do the same, if you haven't already?

Download the Pyramid of Change Coaching Card I've made available for you and begin to experiment.

3
Puppet vs Puppet Master

Are you reactive or proactive in the way you respond to events in your life? What is it that distinguishes those who influence their own destiny from those who leave their fate in the hands of others or to chance?

Allow me to expand a bit more.

If we look back to the Pyramid of Change, when your attention is directed mainly to the lower levels, you will be thinking about how you and others behave in the environment.

You will be affected by changes in other people's behaviours and changes in the environment. If the weather is sunny it may cheer you up, if it's dull and wet you feel down. This tends to lead to a more reactive way of dealing with life. It's the same as being at effect, remember from Section 1?

The opposite is a proactive behaviour that requires you to focus on the higher levels of purpose, identity, beliefs and values. This is characteristic of those who operate independently of others (not without regard for them, but making decisions in line with what they believe to be important.

For example, I decided to create this training course because I believe we can all create the life we deserve and want, just like Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be".

How you think about yourself and what happens to you in life will determine your present and your future.

-TIME TO REFLECT-

Score from 1 to10.

How proactive are you in the following areas?

Job - Social life - Family & Friends - Career - Business - Dreams - Health

Since I mention 'purpose' more than a few times throughout this section, I decided to share a couple of resources that you may find useful.

4
Falling out of Alignment

I wouldn't expect anyone to be in a coherent state of alignment all the time, because going out of alignment is normal and it will happen, it's part of what makes us human. It's not about being always congruent, but about noticing when you aren’t to find your way back to alignment.

You may recognise you are out of balance (alignment) when your circumstances affect you adversely, when you are preoccupied with a negative internal dialogue, when your focus is on problems, or when you feel stressed, tired, stuck or upset.

Often the combination of life difficulties can trigger an unproductive pattern of thinking and behaviours. At these times it is of most value to be able to hold on to a state of alignment.

It is when you are tested that your true values and principles come through. This is why the more familiar you become with what you consider to be important for you at each of the levels and the more you remind yourself of this, the more likely you are to be able to regain your balance (and maybe hold on to it) in times of challenge and stress.

Having watched the video:

How was that?

Have you ever been in a situation similar to the one I've just described? Maybe you are in one at the moment?

If you are currently experiencing a situation or set of circumstances that you would like to be different, follow the process that I've just shared with you.

5
Wrapping up with Beliefs of Excellence

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right".

-Henry Ford-

Ready to try on a new jacket?

A couple of weeks after lockdown started, I created a video sharing some of my challenges and how I was dealing with things. Proactively changing my beliefs has been a crucial factor in how I've navigated and adapted to the current environment. This training has been one of the outcomes.

Click on the link below, watch the video, download the Beliefs of Excellence Training Card and make your life happen.

6
[AUDIO BONUS] The Pyramind of Change applied to Languages!

If you downloaded my presentation on how to build your business around your purpose, then you've already seen an adaptation of the pyramid of change.

Below there is yet another adaptation. I was invited by Tatiana Taranova, English teacher and language specialist to share the application of the Pyramind of Change to language learning.

I leave you to it.

-BUILD THE MUSCLE-

  • Take a few moments and imagine you are getting ready for an interview, presentation, important event. Now from your own perspective, write a paragraph that describes the most aligned version of yourself and see, hear and feel how the whole situation plays out to your advantage. Play the event in your head over and over until the situation is exactly as you would like it to be.

  • I also invite you to use the Pyramid of Change to find and regain balance in your life following the steps I've shown you. As always, get curious and trust the process.

End of Module 1

1
Final words

- END OF MODULE 1-

This is not just the end of this section but of the whole module, so well done for getting this far. Everything that we have covered are the tools and knowledge that I've been using and teaching for years to enable change in people's lives. Now that you have this knowledge, you can decide to apply it to change your life just like I changed mine and to unleash the power and excellence unique to you.

I'm writing this piece at 3:00 am in the morning and I'm delighted for having the opportunity to share what I know with you. I hope you get to the point where you believe that nothing can stop you because you are the Captain of your Ship, no-one else is.

I may have said this before: it's key that you keep on practising and building the most powerful muscle in your body, 'your mind', as you continue to create your present and your future.

Thank you once again for being on this journey with me and I look forward to having you on my next modules:

  • Communication 121

  • Sharing your Excellence with the world through Public Speaking

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